weightlossdiaryy
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WHY I WANNA LOSE WEIGHT: im already a very beautiful girl & i know that. but the whole me has to look good not just my face and my hair. i kinda used both of those things as a safety blanket in a way. maybe i kinda thought that i really didn’t need to work on my body as much because i was pretty but in reality i did. everything matters. im doing this for me and not for anyone else. i’ve never gotten picked on for my weight, no one has ever told me to lose a couple pounds or pressured me into starting a diet. im doing this for ME, MYSELF & I. i wanna be able to wear a crop top & high waisted jeans without feel self conscious about my thighs….orrrr my stomach..or my arms. for me being able to wear exactly what i wanna wear makes me feel better and puts me in  a better mood for the day because that’s just one of the ways i love to express myself… but just recently i’ve noticed that because of my weight and because im not able to wear exactly what i wanna wear or look exactly how i wanna look i’ve been taking it out on my family & my mom……for example just last night my grandma said she was thinking about going to the zoo for her birthday and also for my little brother & sister to have somewhere to go. of course she wanted me there too but i said no that i didnt wanna go & i blamed it on the weather when in the back of my mind it’s just because ill be hot & annoyed standing outside all day with jeans and a t-shirt on looking like a bum lol. man, im one selfish bitch. i REALLY need to work on that part of myself..seriously. buuuuuut anyway, yeah so that’s how it effects me in one way. another way is that i just looovee being the center of attention when it comes to guys..like i dont wanna have a cute guy looking at me and feeling self conscious about the way i look all the time… again with what i wear comes a little more confidence basically if i dont have that..i don’t have anything. which sucksssss. also with losing weight & just being more conscious about how i treat my body i’d probably end up being a 100% all around better & happier person which is what i need so that’s why im doing this. i’ve been having this weird observation about myself…… okay so whether it’s on tumblr or in real life whenever i see a girl who’s beautiful af im like aw she’s pretty then let’s say i get to know the girl too.. me & her share the same interests, we both write, both creative, we both have a really good personality, funny, genuine, etc.. but the girl ends up being the one who’s better..ya know why?..because she’s skinnier than me. thats kinda messed up that i’d think that i know, but that’s what i think. also im an extreme hopeless romantic so u know im in love with the idea of being in love. i want the perfect guy for me and blah blah blah all that shit., for some reason i think about that CONSTANTLY.. -____- ugh ok yea im lame af for that but o well.. but back to the point so yeah let’s say that girl and i both meet a guy & he gets to know us both likes us both thinks we’re both pretty cool nshit. but who would he pick to be in a relationship with??..the OTHER GRIL. because shes skinnier than me and just looks better over all appearance wise.. ugh it gets me sooo upset when i think like that because we all know in reality it’s true. sometimes because of that reason i just feel like i should just give up on trying to improve myself when there are already TONS of beautiful girls out there. girls who are 10’s while im like a 6. i know i should think more highly of myself but honestly at this point i feel no need to until i work on improving my self..do a total 360. until i completely change for the better ill continue feeling like shit 24/7 but still work on my body nsuch.  all i wanna be is “the perfect girl” people sing and rap about in songs. i already have the personality, the face, the hair, now all i need is the body and everything will be perfect. if i don’t have anything else atleast i have my beauty. i know for a fact no one read that all but it was kinda just for me butt cheaaa. sooo thats it.+